Meeting Bob Uecker

By Dobie Maxwell - www.schlitzhappened.com

   Anyone who knows me well knows how much I have always admired Bob Uecker. I think he’s one of the absolute funniest humans of our time or any other time, and his multi faceted career of long lasting duration is about as impressive as it gets. He has long surpassed entertainment and is now part of American pop culture. Who hasn’t heard of ‘Uecker seats’? It’s part of our lexicon.

   For whatever reason, people like to ask comedians who they think is funny. I’ve gotten that for as long as I’ve been a comedian – and that’s a long time. I don’t know why that should matter to anyone, but apparently it does. I’m a fan of the business and a student of the game, so I like a lot of different people for different reasons and many of those people are not known to the masses.

   Anyone not in the business wouldn’t care about those reasons, and I totally get it. It’s an inner circle thing, and nothing is more boring than listening to someone prattle on with shop talk when they’re not in the same business. What the masses always want to hear are names of the famous.

   I’ve been very lucky in my time to have either worked or crossed paths with some of the most famous comedians of the modern era including Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, Jeff Foxworthy, Drew Carey, Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks and that’s not nearly a full list.

   I don’t say this to brag, but I’ve been around the block a few times and crossing paths with all kinds of people goes with the territory. I could throw out hundreds of names nobody would care about except me and the people themselves, but that doesn’t capture imagination like fame does.

   Everyone always wants to know “what they’re like”. They’re people, and people are people on all levels. Some are nicer than others, and depending on the day and time you meet them they’re exactly like people are. I’ve rarely been in awe of meeting anyone famous for that exact reason.

   As a result, my meetings with celebrities have traditionally gone very smoothly. I’ve treated all of them like people, and that’s how they responded. Only a very few times have I ever been even the slightest bit star struck, and even then in the end it turned out well. Again, they’re just people.

   The Holy Trinity of funny people on my personal hero list that I’ve always wanted to meet are (in no particular order) Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin and Bob Uecker. I did get my chance to meet Rodney and George, and both were not only extremely warm and gracious but I also was able to make them laugh. The thrill of having that happen will stay with me the rest of my life.

   Today I rounded out my awesome threesome in style as I got to hang out with Bob Uecker for a good 20-25 minutes – on the field at Miller Park no less! What a dream come true for a native cheese head and it couldn’t have gone any better. Everything was right, and it all went perfectly.

   I can’t thank my friend Drew Olson enough for making this happen. He knows everyone at the stadium, and although it was no big deal for him he knew it was a big deal to me so he took time to make the call and walk me through the process. I like to do nice things like that whenever and however I can, and when it comes back my way it’s extra sweet. I’ll remember this day forever.

   We were sitting in the dugout at Miller Park – something that by itself was worth my trip – and Bob came out of the other dugout and was standing behind the batting cage before the game. I’ve never been on the field before, so the whole experience was surreal from the start.  I loved it all.

   Drew told me to follow him, and we walked up to Bob and Drew introduced me as a comedian from Milwaukee. That’s all it took. Bob’s eyes lit up, and he shook my hand and started rattling off story after story, and it was like we’d been pals for years. It was the right place and the right time, and circumstances couldn’t be better. He had nothing else going on, and had time to hang.

   Since I knew of his career highlights so well I was able to keep him talking and recalling funny story after funny story. The guy who was his sidekick in the Major League movies is a comedian friend of mine named Skip Griparis, and that helped forge a bond up front even though we didn’t need it. He was warm right from the start. Everything was laid back, and I loved every second.

    What was an even bigger thrill was making Bob laugh a couple of times. I tried to just shut up and let him do most of the talking, but on a few occasions I had a quick story to throw in and his head snapped back with laughter more than once. It’s THE most flattering compliment I can get.

   We hit on a lot of topics from sports to show business to being from Milwaukee to professional wrestling of all things. He used to go see it in his younger days and he did a fantastic impression of Dick The Bruiser. Drew and I were bent over laughing, as it really was dead on and hilarious.

   I really wanted to get a picture, but things were going so well I didn’t want to ruin the moment. These situations can be very delicate, as it’s almost a peer thing. I don’t consider myself on a par with Bob Uecker, but he and Drew are peers and I didn’t want to put that status into jeopardy.

   Another delicate situation was a package I brought for Bob with my DVD, CD and t-shirt from my ‘Schlitz Happened!’ show about growing up in Milwaukee. He if anyone would get the jokes listed on the shirt, but again my wack-o-meter went off and I decided not to force the situation.

   We were having such a good time I just wanted to enjoy it for what it was. I’ve waited decades to get the chance to have this opportunity, so I dialed it back. We were three Milwaukee natives just hanging out – but we were doing it on the giant ‘M’ on the field at Miller Park. What a rush!

   As we were walking off the field I asked if he’d mind if I sent him a shirt, and he said he’d like to have one but what else would he or anyone say? “No, stick that shirt up your bilge hole. Like I need to wear a cheap t-shirt from some goof I don’t know to advertise a show I will never see.”

   Of course he didn’t say that, and before we left the stadium Drew gave the package to one of the trusted Miller Park staff who said he would deliver it to the broadcast booth – which he did immediately as we watched. I felt a lot better doing that than trying to force it into Bob’s hands.

   I have no delusions that he’s going to listen to or watch my act or wear the t-shirt, but if he had a chance to look at the shirt I’m sure he had a chuckle or two. That’s good enough for me, and he hopefully gave it to someone or even left it in the booth and someone else may get use out of it.

   One thing I noticed immediately as we were talking was how ‘the kid’ in him was out. I always heard that with any great comedian, their inner child is close to the surface and easy to identify. I definitely saw it in Bob, and I think he saw mine too. That’s probably why we hit it off so well.

   Another thing I noticed was how he had absolutely nothing bad to say about anyone else. He’d only bring up positives and/or good times they’d spent together. He knows celebrities from many fields, and I’m still not sure if the people of Milwaukee realize just how bright a star he really is.

   I listened to him tell a few stories of being inducted into more than one Hall of Fame. How rare is THAT? It’s hard enough to get nominated for even one much less inducted into several, but he is although he doesn’t say it to brag. It was thoroughly enjoyable to listen to everything he said.

   He pokes fun at himself for his lack of ball playing prowess, but in fact making it all the way to the Major Leagues is no small feat in itself – especially when he did it. There were only 16 teams then, and he still not only got a cup of coffee but managed to stay in the Major Leagues for years.

   That’s a noteworthy accomplishment most people would milk for a lifetime, but he also got on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson when that really meant something. Not only that, he was on somewhere around 100 times when people would give up a lung to get on once. It’s amazing.

   Then there was a successful sitcom in ‘Mr. Belvedere’ that lasted several seasons. Then he was in two ‘Major League’ movies where he stole the show. He did hilarious color commentary work on ‘Monday Night Baseball’, not to mention rose to become one of the best play by play baseball announcers anywhere. Each one of those would be noteworthy by itself, but Bob nailed them all.

   Did I forget anything? Well, he wrote two very funny books and also hosted another funny TV show called “Bob Uecker’s Wacky World of Sports”. And, he was part of Wrestlemania for what was then the largest audience ever. I don’t need to go any farther - one is impressed or not. I have always been impressed, and to meet and hang out was a big thrill. I was in the front row for real!

How 'Bout Dat?!

By Dobie Maxwell - www.schlitzhappened.com

   Even in his home town of Milwaukee, the name ‘Reginald Lisowski’ might not be immediately recognized by everyone who hears it. But mention ‘The Crusher’ and everyone knows exactly of whom you speak. He is of local legend, the beer swilling cigar chomping professional wrestler of the 20^th century with his bug eyes and bleached crew cut who stomped ‘bums’ into the canvas.

The wrestler who made Milwaukee famous!

  The Crusher was an icon to multiple generations of Milwaukeeans. I have a friend probably ten years older than I am who was a child of the ‘60s. He once told me the three top athletes from his era in no particular order were Hank Aaron, Bart Starr and The Crusher. All were equal royalty.

Hank Aaron - Legendary Braves Slugger

Bart Starr - Legendary Packers Quarterback

 

Da Crusher - Just Plain Legendary!

Showing off his famous "100 megaton" biceps.

 That says a lot, but only one of that threesome managed to maintain his royal status into my era of the ‘70s and that was The Crusher. Bart Starr ended up as the coach of the Packers through the horrible years, and Hank Aaron returned to the Brewers a shadow of the superstar he once was.

Who else had a song written about him?

    But all through my childhood The Crusher was the king of not only my sports world but that of all my neighborhood friends. We would gather around our televisions every week and watch ‘All Star Wrestling’ on Channel 18 to see our hero in action. He kept us all riveted with his charisma.

Channel 18 was the Crusher's TV home in Milwaukee.

   For reasons I still can’t identify, we believed without question that a stout man in his 50s could actually train for a legitimate athletic contest exclusively by lifting a beer keg, dancing the polka and smoking cigars. We never once questioned any of this, and this is why humanity scares me.

The Crusher was still stomping turkeyneck bums well into his 50s!

   I was just as gullible as anyone, and I bought it too. I loved the Crusher, and without any other local icons during a very lean sports era, he was it. Kareem Abdul Jabbar might have been close for a while, but when he demanded to be traded his stock dropped quickly. The Crusher ruled.

Another day at the office...

   His matches were secondary to his legendary interviews. That’s where he sold us on what he’d do to his upcoming opponents, and we were putty in his hands. He’d rant and rave and make lots of threats and promise to vanquish evil and restore justice to the universe. And we believed him.

With Marty O'Neill 'that slippery eel' - telling the fans what he was going to do to his next opponent.

    My best friend Timbo and I used to save our money and go see our hero live at the Milwaukee Auditorium whenever we could. What a ‘trill’ it was to witness as he’d defeat some ‘turkeyneck’ of the week by administering his infamous stomach claw or his best weapon ‘The Crusher Bolo’.

Wrestling Heaven!

   On rare occasion – maybe once a year – the matches would take place at the Milwaukee Arena which could house double what the Auditorium did. Those usually meant there would be a ‘cage match’ where the Crusher would vanquish a bad guy inside a chain link cage. We lived for those.

I think this was Crusher's driver's license photo as well.

   One New Year’s Eve many years later when I was a comedian, I had a show at the downtown Hyatt Regency. I stepped into a packed elevator and in the back I heard a guy impersonating The Crusher - and not very well. When I got off the elevator I discovered it was really him, and got to shake his hand. It felt exactly like one would imagine, rough and strong. Those ten seconds were the biggest ‘trill’ I ever had in sports. To quote one of his trademark sayings, “How ‘bout dat!?” 

His t-shirt says it all!

 

One of my most prized possessions!

How Many? Germany!

By Dobie Maxwell - www.schlitzhappened.com

   Milwaukee is a collection of things and can be described in a variety of ways, but if it had to be boiled down to a single word it would have to be “German”.  Many outsiders would likely guess “beer”, “bowling” or "polka", but that’s not the whole picture. Germans took over in Milwaukee and Wisconsin as Norwegians did in Minnesota - and everyone else either plays along or leaves.

...where there's a little bit of German in all of us.

"Nein!"

That strong and lasting influence is far from hidden when suburbs are less than subtly given the names “Germantown” and “New Berlin”, and the whole city’s reputation is built around brewing beer. It’s also consumed heavily, and that’s often what leads to dancing polkas and/or bowling.

"Hit it boys, Das FREEBIRD!" OOM pah pah...OOM pah pah...

   Sausage in all forms is a familiar staple in every Milwaukeean’s diet, and the word ‘vegetarian’ is used exclusively to describe someone who puts onions on a bratwurst. Gravy has been used as both a beverage and household lubricant, and sauerkraut recipes have been stored in bank vaults.

Now THAT'S a Milwaukee breakfast!

 

Followed by a light lunch...

 

...and a sensible dinner.

  

And don't forget dessert!

   Other ethnic groups have had an important contributing hand in shaping Milwaukee’s rich and storied culture, but the big dog on the porch is unquestionably a German shepherd. Although my official pedigree is ‘mutt’, I do have a significant amount of German blood pumping in my veins.

Barchen Sie Deutsch?

   That comes courtesy of my paternal grandmother. She raised me along with my grandfather of Russian/Jewish heritage, and that was an interesting mix to say the least. We’ve all seen how the Germans and Jews have hit it off throughout history, and I lived through my own personal battle station during my childhood years watching Grandma and Gramps go at it like enemy soldiers.

   I personally experienced German culture firsthand both inside and outside the home, and there are specific characteristics that were consistent with both. First, Germans are a very clean people. Their houses are immaculate - inside and out. Their lawns are manicured to obsessive perfection. Their cars, lawn mowers and anything else of a mechanical nature gets maintained religiously.

"DAS KINDERS! SHTAY OFFEN MY LAWNEN - OR ELSEN!"

    I always thought it was funny that a nation with the word ‘germ’ as part of its title has a people so excessively clean that nobody could locate one within a seven mile radius of a German home. My grandmother would wash walls, scrub floors, clean windows and do laundry. She had hands of a surgeon in that she could iron a shirt - while you were wearing it – and not leave a wrinkle.

The Height of Fashion in Milwaukee
"Vat time does der bowling leaguen shtart?"

   German people also tend to be a bit icy when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I received my first hug from my grandmother when I was around 37, and it lasted about as long as virginity in the back seat of a Chevy Impala on prom night. She had a look on her face when she did it like the one someone gets when accidentally stepping in a cat litter box barefoot with the lights off.

"Passen der wursten pleasen, Klaus!"

  Suffice to say this is the base on which Milwaukee culture as a whole is built, and we’ve grown accustomed to it over generations. This long built tradition has created a distinct local flavor few other places have outside of The Motherland itself. Adolf Hitler allegedly stated frighteningly he would set up his base of operations in Milwaukee if he won World War II because of the German flavor already there. I shudder to think what would’ve happened if my baseball went on his lawn.